Jan-Werner Müller’s (2016) account of populism purports to establish a minimalistic conception of populism. Populists, on Müller’s account, say that they are (i) against pluralism, and (ii) against corrupted elites. But, so my argument holds, Müller’s account is conceptually arbitrary and critically futile. Müller himself suspects that his views might be viewed as “profoundly conservative” (p. 68). This is largely an accurate self-diagnosis, even if Müller himself is quick to dismiss it.